You’re such an idiot!” Joey screamed as he ripped another golf ball deep into the hazard on the right side of the fairway for what felt like the fourth time. “Idiot. Stupid. What the heck are you doing?” The words came flying out of him in frustration.
We were all hot, tired, sweaty, exhausted, and emotionally ragged. We’d been playing golf for days straight, grinding through some of the best courses in the country. The truth is, our fragile biological machines simply weren’t wired to perform at peak levels indefinitely. Fatigue eventually catches all of us. But it wasn’t the golf ball that caught my attention. It was the words. The harshness of them pierced me because, if I’m honest, that was me for much of my life.
My nephew James was there. Joey was there. Two young men I admire deeply. When I look at them, I don’t see their scorecards. I see capable, creative, hardworking, good-hearted men with enormous potential. I see fathers, builders, entrepreneurs, the kind of young men willing to shoulder responsibility and help carry the next generation forward. I’ve already told them multiple times during this trip that I couldn’t care less about their golf games. I care about their souls. I care about who they are becoming.
I paused for a moment and walked over to Joey. He knew exactly what was coming. “I know, Rich,” he said. “I shouldn’t say negative things about myself.”
“No, Joey,” I replied. “That’s not it. How old is your oldest child?”
“Five.”
“Joey, what would you do if someone walked up to your five-year-old, got in his face, and started yelling that he was stupid and an idiot?”
He immediately understood. His eyes softened. I put my hand on his shoulder. “How about we be nice to little Joey, too?” For a moment, everything got quiet.
“Yeah, Rich,” he said softly. “You’re right. I get it.”
Most of us would never dream of speaking that way to a child. Most of us are encouraging to our friends, patient with our spouses, and compassionate toward people who are struggling. Yet in the quiet recesses of our own hearts, we often brutalize ourselves. I know. I was that guy. One of the most honest admissions of my life came when I finally acknowledged the internal voices that had followed me for years, the criticism, the shame, the feelings of inadequacy, and the belief that somehow I wasn’t enough.
The greatest battles of life are rarely fought on public stages. They are fought in the hidden chambers of the heart and soul.
And I don’t think this is just a Joey problem, or a Rich problem. I think this is where many of us secretly struggle. So here’s my invitation, both to you and to myself: let’s use kinder words. Let’s extend a little more grace. Let’s offer ourselves the same compassion we would offer a child, a friend, or someone we deeply love. Especially when we screw up. Especially when we shank one into the hazard. Especially when we make a mistake. Especially when we’re carrying shame.
We’re down here learning, growing, figuring things out, trying to become better humans. This is a complicated life. Of course we’re going to hit a few into the rough. Let’s show kindness to others, and let’s show kindness to ourselves, with gentleness, with courage, with patience, and with love.
With clarity,
Rich Christiansen
Tool Of The Week:
This week I am sharing something I use in boardrooms, on stages, and in the hardest conversations of my life. The Two-Minute Reset is a five-step sequence that calms the nervous system, restores clarity, and prepares you for performance. You can do it anywhere in less than two minutes. Grab it free here.
Whenever you’re ready, here are some other ways I can help you:
The Free Values Blueprint Video Course – A step by step journey to help you clearly define your core values, create personal doctrine, and move from force into flow. This is the same process I have used for years with my face-to-face clients.
Free Tools to help Calm the Chaos – Practical frameworks and tools designed to help you regain clarity, steadiness, and alignment in everyday life.
Legado Family– A framework and community centered on strengthening family systems, legacy, and generational integrity.
