Surprisingly, over the past two weeks, I’ve had a flood of conversations with single women asking the same question:
“How do I find a solid, good man?”
Each story began with heartbreak — a trail of hurt, disappointment, and frustration. After the fifth or sixth story, my sensitivity thinned just a little, and I finally said, “You’re trying to catch your handsome Prince Charming… but you’re baiting the hook for slugs and scoundrels.”
So, ladies (and yes, gentlemen eavesdropping for wisdom), here are two simple secrets that will change the kind of partner you attract.
1. Where You Fish Matters
Let’s start with the obvious.
You can’t expect to catch salmon when you’re fishing in the sewer treatment plant — all you’re going to catch is turds.
If you spend your time in toxic environments — whether that’s a bar full of bravado, dating apps built for ego, or friend circles that normalize dysfunction — don’t be surprised when you keep reeling in bottom feeders.
If you want to attract a strong, kind, grounded partner, go to the waters where those people swim.
That means joining environments that match your energy — service projects, outdoor adventures, business networks, creative communities, or faith gatherings where integrity and joy actually live.
Healthy, vibrant people swim in clear, flowing water. So move your boat.
2. Know (and Live) Your Values
Before you can recognize a great partner, you have to know your own ethos — the heartbeat of what you stand for.
And then, you must infuse those values into your ethos — the living, breathing expression of who you are in motion.
Define six to ten guiding ethos words or “hang tags.” But skip the sterile ones like “integrity” or “positivity.”
Infuse them with life and energy.
Instead of positive, maybe your ethos is Hope Dripper.
Instead of honest, call it Do What You Say.
Instead of adventurous, maybe Cliff Jumper.
Instead of loving, go with Heart Wide Open.
These words aren’t just descriptions — they’re declarations that allow you and your tribe to fuel up from.
They tell the world who you are and attract those who align with your energy.
3. The Fun Part: Ask Trick Questions
Once you know your ethos, create a few playful questions that reveal whether your date actually lives those same values.
If humility matters, ask: “Tell me about your last big win.”
If he blathers on with a stream of I’s and never says we, you’ve got your answer.
If kindness matters, watch how he treats the waiter when your order’s wrong.
If growth matters, ask: “What’s one of the personal challenges working on with yourself right now?”
You’re not interrogating — you’re just observing.
If he aligns, keep rowing. If not, cut the line and move on.
Don’t waste time trying to turn a toad into a prince.
Final Thought
There are many divine masculine men out there — grounded, kind, emotionally mature, and searching for women of substance.
But to find one, you have to be one — a woman who knows her ethos, protects her energy, and fishes in clean water.
Be genuine. Be real.
And for heaven’s sake… stop kissing those toads.
With respect,
Rich Christiansen
(P.S. Need help defining your ethos words? On my website, under Tools & Resources, you’ll find a simple guide to help you identify your six to ten personal values and turn them into vibrant hang tags that truly reflect who you are.)
