Most of us carry a voice inside that whispers criticism and shame. It says things to us we would never allow others to say to our children, to our friends, or to those we love. That voice, the harsh inner critic, is not truth. It’s old programming, fear-based noise, and unresolved pain; it causes more damage than we realize.
As entrepreneurs, we whip ourselves when markets shift when in truth, it’s often our own self-punishment that leads to failure. As parents, we beat ourselves up for mistakes, and that guilt can become just as harmful as any misstep. As humans, we get in our way more than anyone else.
Over the years, working with thousands of youth, families, and couples, I have seen this clearly: The biggest barrier to growth is often the absence of self-compassion.
Now, let me be clear, self-compassion does not mean we excuse or wash away the harmful behaviors or patterns in our lives. It means we acknowledge them with grace. We choose understanding over shame. We offer kindness instead of self-punishment.
Beating ourselves with a glass-shard whip does not heal anything. It only drives the behavior deeper into hiding. Kindness and love win, always. With others, yes. But especially with ourselves.
So here are 3 pathways to self-compassion that have helped me and those I serve:
1. Speak kindly to yourself daily.
At night and in the morning, repeat gentle, loving affirmations:
“I love you.”
“I forgive you.”
“I see you.”
Say them ten times. Let it soften you. Let it sink in.
2. Treat yourself like a child you love.
When you fall into old patterns, instead of beating yourself up, offer compassion, as if you were comforting a five-year-old version of yourself. Because in many ways… that’s who’s still inside.
3. Confide in someone safe.
I am not suggesting you go public with your pain or vent online. Instead, find one or two people you trust deeply. Share openly. Let your soul be seen. As my mentor Stephen Covey used to say, “The deepest human need is to be seen and heard.”
And when your body and spirit feel anxious or heavy, try these grounding practices:
🌬 Breathwork
🌲 A walk in nature (even just 5–10 minutes)
🎨 Visualization of something beautiful
💖 A small act of kindness
We cannot truly love others until we first show grace and tenderness to ourselves. So today, I challenge you: Yes, be kind to others. But also, please be kind to yourself.
With Heart,
Rich Christiansen
