Today, I want to share a message that’s both deeply personal and profoundly urgent. We’re seeing a crisis with young men. They’re not standing up and being real men; they’re not thriving. Testosterone levels are dropping, birth rates are declining, and many young men today aren’t stepping up to play the role with the confidence and purpose we so desperately need to sustain families, tribes, communities, and even civilization itself.
As a father to five incredible sons, this topic hits close to home. One metaphor I used to inspire my boys was to “be a big meaty lobster,” a concept I first encountered in Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules for Life. Peterson explains that both lobsters and humans share serotonin—a chemical tied to confidence, status, and resilience.
Lobsters live in a tough world with limited resources, and when two male lobsters encounter each other, they size each other up with their “big meaty claws.” First, they release pheromones to signal their strength and status. If that doesn’t work, they stand tall and show their claws. Still no resolution? They bang their claws together, and if neither backs down, they go to battle, and sometimes one loses a claw in the process. Conflict comes at a price.
So, what does this mean for our young men? Just like the lobsters, if they don’t learn to stand tall, find confidence, hold eye contact, and be bold, they’re going to miss out. They’ll struggle, get discouraged, and lose that vital “serotonin” that drives them to succeed.
I encouraged my sons to own their space, walk confidently, pursue impact, and show their “big meaty claws” in a healthy, honorable way. This resonated so deeply that their friends joined in, all adopting the mantra to “be a big meaty lobster.” One of my favorite memories is when my youngest son left a drawing on my office whiteboard—a red lobster with the note, “My dad is a dominant lobster with big meaty claws.”
This isn’t about aggression; it’s about teaching our sons and daughters to stand in their power, to become sovereign kings and queens, balancing strength with compassion. We can’t keep swaddling our young men in protection. They need to face challenges, get a little messy, and emerge stronger. And they need space to embrace their own strength without feeling they have to compete with or suppress others.
Let’s raise young men who can support and respect powerful women, and young women who can embrace their own strength alongside strong men. We don’t need a battle of the sexes. We need a union—men and women, each in their strength, standing together with mutual respect. Let’s give this next generation the confidence to rise up and become dominant lobsters in their own right.
Let’s move forward with strength, honor, and respect.
All My Best,
Rich
P.S. If you liked these kind of tips, perhaps you’d enjoy the content in the Legado Family package. There, we discuss more about what it’s like to raise children today.
