This week I had three deeply meaningful conversations with parents who are navigating strained relationships with their young adults.
Each situation was different, but the ache was the same.
In one, a new marriage introduced a rift in the relationship. In another, decisions on both sides created distance that slowly widened. And in the third, a daughter was doing what daughters must do — stepping into independence — but it was misunderstood, and connection suffered.
Different stories, but the same quiet pain that sits underneath.
I want to share three simple practices that can place balm on the wound, strengthen the bridge, and reopen the conduit of communication. These are not complicated ideas, but they are powerful when applied with sincerity.
1. Say kind and building things about them behind their back
Make it a habit to say positive, affirming, and strengthening things about them when they are not in the room. When that message circles back to them, it carries far more weight than if you had said it directly.
It builds trust. It softens the heart. It restores safety.
The reverse is equally true. If frustration, criticism, or what I call vinegar and rat poison is being shared, it travels just as quickly and quietly erodes the relationship.
Your words are always at work.
They are either strengthening the bridge or weakening it.
2. Take a genuine interest in what they love and ask for their advice
This is one of the most overlooked and powerful ways to reconnect with a young adult. Many parents try to pull their children into their own interests, their own worldview, and their own rhythm.
I am inviting you to step into theirs.
If your daughter loves Taylor Swift, listen to the music and join her in it. If your son is into river rafting, go get on the river with him. My two youngest sons love Pokémon Go, and I became a Level 56 trainer because of it. Not as a tactic, but because it became a shared space of connection.
And then take it one step further and ask for their advice.
When you do that, you communicate respect. You communicate trust. You communicate that their voice matters. That shift alone can open doors that have been closed for years.
3. Create intentional moments of celebration around small wins
Set aside time for a simple dinner or gathering where the only purpose is to recognize something positive in their life. It does not need to be grand or formal. In fact, the smaller and more sincere, the better.
The key is removing the instinct to fix, correct, or teach during that time.
Just see them. Just hear them. Just honor them.
Because at the core of who we are as human beings, there is a very simple need.
To be seen.
To be heard.
When you slow things down enough to offer that consistently and genuinely, something begins to shift. Walls soften. Defensiveness eases. Connection finds a way back in.
If you are navigating a strained relationship right now, start here. Do not overcomplicate it. Just begin.
And if you try one of these, I would love to hear what happens.
With clarity,
Rich Christiansen
Whenever you’re ready, here are some other ways I can help you:
The Values Blueprint Guided Experience – A step by step journey to help you clearly define your core values, create personal doctrine, and move from force into flow. Includes the full Values Blueprint and guided video walkthroughs.
Free Tools to help Calm the Chaos – Practical frameworks and tools designed to help you regain clarity, steadiness, and alignment in everyday life.
Legado Family– A framework and community centered on strengthening family systems, legacy, and generational integrity.
