Most of us are fairly good at forgiving others. It may take a little time, a little working through the mental knots, but eventually we realize how destructive it is to hold on to venom toward someone else.
If you’re anything like me, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. We extend grace quickly to a spouse, a child, a friend, but then mercilessly beat ourselves with battering rams of internal warfare.
It took me until my fifties to begin learning this lesson. And even now, I sometimes struggle. Just this past week and a half, I felt paralyzed by the return of old internal voices. The only path forward was to go back to what has always worked: long walks in nature, deliberate meditation, and—most importantly—checking in with my five-year-old self.
Too often we drown out that five-year-old, shove them in a corner, and bully them in ways we would never dream of doing to someone else’s child. Yet so much of our strength, our quirks, our struggles, and our courage were born when we were five years old.
As I listened this morning, I realized the pressures I’ve been carrying—laying to rest three dear friends, supporting loved ones through their own heavy challenges, and navigating the noisy clutter of life—had caused me to silence that inner child.
We need to be gracious to ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves. Because most of the time, our negative behaviors and struggles have very little to do with the issue at hand. There’s always something deeper.
How do we grant grace? We listen. We hug that five-year-old. We whisper kindness instead of judgment. We calm the soul instead of weaponizing the whip.
Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning poor behavior. It means accepting, surrendering, and remembering that kindness works better than flogging. Always.
So, I invite you: courageously listen to your five-year-old today. Offer them grace. Then, from that place of calm, step into courage and make a difference.
—In wisdom and learning,
Rich
PS. I’ve included a short video below where I share more depth on this topic. If it resonates with you, I’d be grateful if you subscribed to my social channels, where I continue sharing insights and moments of inspiration.
